Geeze, give a brother a break…

I was reading over on Mark Oestricher’s blog today, and I am amazed at all the attacks he has flying his way. I know that sometimes YS can be controversial, but the amount of personal attacks he faces on his blog are just unreal. I know that people have strong feelings, and that we need to make sure that we’re standing up for truth and right doctrine, it just seems like things have gotten kinda crazy on there. I mean, if you want to critique the guy, then at least take him up on his offer to get to know him and his point of view first. Or you could always just back off and give the brother a break…

Lunch with Larva

What a fun day yesterday was! It seems like I was moving non-stop from the moment I woke up, but most of the time I prefer life that way. I had a chance to go to lunch with a new friend, Pastor Scott from El Dorado (or Larva, as he’s known on Kurt Johnston’s simply junior high boards). It was a great time, and a good chance to connect up with a new friend. Scott is from Canada, which led to the obvious “What the heck are you doing in Kansas!” response. It always amazes me how people can come from all over the world to the middle of Kansas! …not that there’s anything wrong with that!

Anyway, through the course of our meal we talked about life, ministry and Stuck in the Middle. Scott is a really cool guy who came all the way to Kansas to work with a church that only had about 15 kids. In the short time that he’s been here, he’s seen the group grow to nearly 60 students! He’s very quick to give all the credit to God, and you have to admire him. He told me that he raises most of his support, and boy could I feel him on that one! It amazes me when I hear about pastors making $250,000 salaries, and then meet a guy like Scott who is struggling to get a raise so he and his wife can start their family. I guess that’s just a little pet peeve of mine. Anyway, a cool lunch and a great time connecting up with a fellow brother in youth ministry.

The Little Things

One of our favorite things to do in the Meade house is a little something we call “dance party”. I fire up my Laptop and Napster account, and the kids gather around and boogie down. It’s a pretty wild time. Tonight was especially classic, because my son demanded (in his own unique way) that we play Funkytown over and over again. Of course, we finally let my daughter pick a few songs, and the kids danced to Wang Chung, Jerry Lee Lewis, Eifel 65 and even the “Nooma Nooma” song Dragostea Dei Tei by O-Zone. Anyway, they had a blast, and we got some great video for all posterity to enjoy!

So, at the end of the dance party we decided to play some slow music to help calm them down. I threw on Beethoven’s Fur Elise, and the kids loved it. After they had gone upstairs with their mother for baths, I stayed behind and listened. It’s amazing, that’s a piece of music that I have totally taken for granted. I don’t think that there’s a person out there who doesn’t recognize the opening ditty…but, as I listened, I realized again just how beautiful Fur Elise is. It really made me think about the approach that I so often take towards God. I have become so accustomed to all of the “god talk” and all of the “christian-ese” around me that there are moments I forget how truly beautiful God is. Somewhere in the hustle of everyday life, I forget about the mystery and the majesty that surrounds God, and it’s refreshing to just sit back and experience it.

So, before you go to bed tonight, find and play Beethoven’s Fur Elise, and take solace in the fact that God’s beauty doesn’t fade.

Nervous…

Next Tuesday night Stuck in the Middle will be hosting our first ever fundraising banquet. It looks to be a great time, with great food and my friend Eric Venable as our guest of honor. Everything is coming together nicely, and I’m really excited about the evening. Now, there’s just one little glitch in the system, and while it doesn’t have me worried, it does make me a little bit nervous.

Out of 70+ invitations that we sent out, we have only heard RSVP’s from 9. Oh yeah, and those nine were all regrets… So, like I said, just a little bit nervous! The banquet is next Tuesday in KC though, so by this time next week you can look back here and find out what happened!

I am pregnant.

On any given week there are about 5-6 tv shows that Jill and I watch on a regular basis. Some of them I’m less enthusiastic about than others. Grey’s Anatomy is one of those shows. My wife loves it though…I think it’s the mix of “Melrose Place-ish” drama and the medical techno-babble that she finds so appealing. Of course, Jill was a nursing major for a semester, so she’s pretty much a medical expert anyway. Tonights episode was really out there…featuring a very pregnant man. Now, if you watched the show, you know that the guy turned out not to be pregnant, but the concept got me thinking…

Romans 8 22-25 (Message Translation) says:
22All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. 23These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. 24That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. 25But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

Now, back to our preggers friend on Grey’s Anatomy. His wife was pregnant, and the poor guy thought that he was just putting on some sympathy weight. Then it turned into a full out beach ball under his skin, and he knew that something wasn’t right. Well, the thing is, that guy is me. No, I’m not pregnant (though my gut might suggest otherwise), but I am feeling the pains of pregnancy. Before my wife kicks me in the head, let me explain.

For years now I’ve been feeling this pain inside of me. It seems like no matter what church I go to or what seminars I attend, there is always something inside of me that screams “this isn’t it!”. I go backpacking in places like Yellowstone and the Rocky Mountains and think “Nope, still not it!”. I even sat on the edge of a giant crater in Tanzania, Africa, looking out over the most raw and untamed creation I’d ever seen and thought “If this isn’t it, then where is it?”.

See, the thing is, there is something inside of me that I have longed for. Something that I’ve searched for, and though I’ve come close, haven’t been able to find it. I know that it’s the reason I get so frustrated with churches and with Christians, and it’s the reason why, no matter where I am, I never feel like I’m home. Much like a woman with child, I feel the pains of longing for a life that is to come. I long for Heaven, I long to see Jesus face to face, I long to sit in the presence of God and worship.

I am the pregnant man.

I should make a t-shirt.

I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

Fear and Trust

Last night was another sleepless night for me. I’m one of those people who generally fly through their day, and then when my head hits my pillow at night, everything catches up to me in one giant mental train wreck. Lately, the epicenter of that wreck has been Stuck in the Middle, and whatever new developments it has seen (or not seen) that day. Here’s a little peek inside:

Stuck in the Middle was an idea that was born out of my love and passion for middle school students. Serving as a middle school pastor for nearly four years, I was consistently bummed out over the lack of age and culture specific events, curriculum, camps, mission trips and well, everything for them. I couldn’t believe that we would tell these students how important they were and how much we (and God) valued them, but then would basically treat them like children until their freshmen year. I started Stuck in the Middle as a way to encourage students, and to equip and train adults. My belief is that we have to show middle school students how much God loves them, how God really does “get” them, and that it’s ok to be a crazy, changing, emotional, non-sensible teen. Then we have to help the adults learn how to deal with that, how to really connect to these kids, and how to help them serve God now, just as they are. So, at a time when my family really needed some stability (a story for another time), Jill and I instead decided that God was moving us to start this ministry, and then took a giant leap of faith.

So here we are…In the past year and a half we have sold our home, sold both of our cars, gone to one shared vehicle and living with my parents (insert your own jokes here). We’ve invested everything we have in Stuck in the Middle, and are waiting to see what happens. You see, while I may get props for passion, I’m not going to get any for smart financial planning. I was at lunch awhile back with Wayne Rice, and he urged me to not put all my eggs in one basket. He said to be sure that I left myself an exit route with Stuck in the Middle, so that if the first event tanked, I would be sure to have a way out. Well, unfortunately it was already too late for that. Now, I believe that we’re going to have one incredible event in March, and that life changing moments will occur. It’s just that I find myself in a battle between fear and trust, wanting to trust that God will bring the people there, trusting that God will find the donors and financial backers to help us succeed, trusting that God will take care of us, but then fearing the financial bottom line. The bottom line is, if Stuck in the Middle tanks, my family’s finances tank as well.

So, between now and March I continue to work my butt off. I am calling, meeting, writing and emailing everyone I can. I am looking for people to support this great ministry (yes, you too can give online by going here lol), am looking for people who will promote this ministry and am always looking for leaders who will bring their students to this event.

If you’re a praying person, please pray for us. Pray that the faith would always win out over the fear, and pray that God would take care of the ministry and us. If you’re not a praying person, then just send me twenty bucks and we’ll call it even.

Welcome to my blog…

Welcome to my blog…that sounds messy, which is probably appropriate for anything containing my thoughts and musings. I’ve decided to give this thing a “go” because people keep asking me where my blog is, and I just felt so darn inadequate when I said I didn’t have one. I’ll keep everyone up to speed on Stuck in the Middle, my life and family, my latest theories on the ABC show LOST, a few scattered thoughts on theology and a general “behind the scenes” look at the life of a guy who deserves nothing at all…but through God’s grace finds himself the receiver of many great things.